Ever since Hurricane Ruby (aka my miniature Jack Russell terrier) made landfall in August, my bank account has been crying harder than a toy squeaker at 3am.
You know that satisfying feeling when you bring home a brand new plush toy, all fluffy and full of hope? Ruby gives me approximately 48 hours to enjoy that feeling before said toy looks like it went through a wood chipper. Stuffing everywhere. One sad little eyeball staring at me accusingly from under the sofa.
“Ah-ha!” I thought, channeling my inner genius. “I’ll buy those UNBREAKABLE hard plastic toys!” The packaging practically screamed invincibility. The reviews promised eternal durability. Ruby laughed in the face of such claims. She’s basically a furry demolition expert with a vendetta against the concept of “unbreakable.”
And just when I thought I’d seen it all, this tiny terrorist developed a new hobby: covert cushion destruction. She waits. She watches. The MOMENT she thinks I’m distracted—maybe I blinked, maybe I dared to check my phone—she’s over there gnawing on cushion corners like it’s her job. Which, apparently, it is.
But friends, I have cracked the code. I have discovered the holy grail of dog toys. Are you ready for this revolutionary, patent-pending solution?
Socks
White sports socks from Asda, to be precise. Cheap white socks. They dont have to be white. You can choose black or grey. Five pairs for the princely sum of 5 pounds!
Here’s my Nobel Prize-worthy method: Take two socks, roll them into a ball (I like to think of it as 
sock origami), wrap the end around, and BAM. A toy that lasts DAYS instead of minutes. When they get gross (and they will), chuck them in the washing machine like the renewable resource they are. Roll ’em up again. Rinse and repeat.
Ruby is thrilled. My wallet is thrilled. The cushions are safe. Everyone wins. With Christmas around the corner, its cheap and cheerful. Its a lots cheaper than having to buy new cushion covers after the zips have been chewed and ruined.
So everyone is happy except maybe the people at the pet toy factory. Sorry, guys. You’ve been out-innovated by hosiery.
